The Lost Eliza Post

On April 19th, I wrote this post and then couldn't get it to publish. I gave up on it after a few days - but just tried it again and it worked. So a month late. Happy birthday again Eliza!

12 years ago today, I was at home with Hannah. We were making dinner and anticipating a visit from Steve's mom, Kathy who was in Salt Lake for the day.  While Hannah napped - I was watching the coverage of the anniversary of the Oklahoma bombings. As they read the names of the victims -I remember becoming sad and thinking " I'm glad this baby won't be born today."After dinner, Kathy, Hannah and Steve went outside to enjoy the beautiful weather we were having. As I watched them out the kitchen window - I realized that I was feeling really uncomfortable. I kept doing the dishes. Contractions were starting to take my full attention. The phone rang. It was Kathy's sister. She wanted to talk about something - I couldn't keep my mind on the  conversation. I apologized and told her that I thought I was having contractions. She asked when the baby was due. I told her, "in three weeks". She told me not to worry - it was too early. After we hung up - I was worried. I couldn't finish the dishes. And all I could think about was that I wasn't ready.  Steve came in, I called the doctor and we packed a bag. The whole way to the hospital - I kept thinking, "please not today.'But she was born at 10:0 something that night. It snowed pretty hard that night. I spent most of the next morning alone. And Eliza was in intensive care. The doctors didn't know what was wrong. My mom was at the temple.  Steve was home asleep, not aware that her condition had worsened and I felt alone and scared. The two people that I usually turned to were unavailable. So I turned to my Heavenly Father. I cried to him. And I talked to him in a way I never had before. I look back on that day and the first year of Eliza's life with gratitude. The tender mercies that we experienced were small and large. The miracles we witnessed were many. It all seems like it was a million years ago. I didn't want her born on that day. It had been a sad day. But now this day is a joy to remember.Eliza has taught me a lot over the years. And there is so much to love about this incredible girl.
She is totally unique. She has her own sense of style. Her own sense of Humor. And I love her.